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IF AND IF ONLY

On the high side of life taking all the risk, dating all the girls, smoking all those joints, cursing and dancing as hard as possible. Nah!! that is  only a fantasy,  as am way too shy to do those things but what if i was not. How would life be like if i got the guts to take risks?
         Maybe i'd finally be able to walk up to a nice cute gal and tell her how beautiful she is , maybe i'd tell  my teachers to "go to hell"  because education never secured anyone an employment" and then go to all those parties but would never have wild sex cause that's just being dirty (no offense)... 
        Maybe i'd run away to get married or maybe not but i'd sure fall in love with a girl thats way outside my league , and she'll be way into me because of my bad boy attitude. Get into fight in bars, drink ALCOHOL with fake ids,  Eat and sleep, go on a diet maybe  get divorced and married. Join a boy band, write great hit songs, tour the world, and see great ama…
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THIS IS BEING CONFUSED

Dear Reader,
 I don't know if i ever struggled to do what is wright, but i always tired to be the right person by always doing what is good. Even when my peers took risk and dared authorities, i kept silent and continued with myself, although I admit peer pressure at times had the best of me. Right now it seems I am a totally different person. Their's just this other me trying to burst forth with certain new strange characters, making me feel like  am going through puberty all over again. 
     I always struggle to put this other side of me on low key, but I am not always successful and when it finally breaks free, it scares the hell out of me. Its unapologetic, wants to live the free life and enjoy the world, has a twisted sense of write and wrong hates being silent or taken for granted and speaks up whenever it feels threathened.
           Honestly in some ways, I like this other side of me. Why?  It does what it wants, stands up to everyone in a fearless way and is very confi…

My weird view of life

I always find myself back at the same spot, asking the questions that I once asked myself, having the same set of wishes, making and trying to correct the same mistakes.
    I wish time is flexible so I can change but its not and the future is uncertain. I have so many reason to be happy but am not because the only reason why i want to be happy eludes me.
     Every time i wish to set matters straight, two mistakes and more happens and am back to wanting to set matters straight. A never ending cycle of sadness. More pathetic is the fact that I know a way out of all of this but have not the energy to walk on that way.==Doing things alone==
So am just going to try to make it through this night alone and then i know i have a shot in life More important is the smile which hides all of this away. The good news is I finally get to know if am crazy or not although this write up suggested I probably am. But i sincerely hope you don't see me that way.      Image source college humour

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